50 ways to annoy Prince Arthur Pendragon
by Princessa Guinevere
Summary: That's right! Pratty boy is up on the bashing block. WARNINGS- Slash Arthur/Merlin Arthur/Morgana Arthur/Gwen implied Morgana/Uther.


Ask him about his ambition as a child, ask him if he thought about being a model like Tyra Banks because of his 'pout'.

Get Uther to yell 'You fat pig!' at him.

Replace his crown with a bigger one so it slips over his eyes.

Call him Simba.

Paint his room pink, then say 'like father like son'.

Trick him into singing the song 'I just can't wait to be king'. Make sure Uther and Morgana are in earshot.

Start a 'We hate Uther' club and get him to sign it. Show this to Uther and give Uther a mace. Let Uther do the rest.

Trick him into kissing Gwen in Uther's presence.

8, but with Merlin.

When Uther gets furious, shout loudly 'Not his fault he turned out gay! He was following in Daddy's footsteps!'

Ask him if it turns him on when he orders Merlin to 'Polish his sword'.

Wait until he's yelling at Merlin, then play the song 'Puppy love' in the background.

Ask him if he wished he could climb the wall underneath Merlin's window with a rose in his mouth.

Address him as 'Prat' or 'His Royal Pratness'

Replace his wardrobe with Morgana's or with pink items... or better yet, both!

Give him a girly makeover in his sleep. Then, when Uther walks in 'accidentally', blame it on Gwen and do a runner. Quick.

Get Merlin to ask him to pout. If he refuses, threaten him with Uther. If he still refuses yell something about him like 'He sleeps with a Pudsey bear!' Make sure everyone is in earshot.

Tell him his feet smell like chicken. Refuse to elaborate.

In the middle of the night, run into his chambers and yell 'It is your destiny!' Then run out again.

19, but replace the shout with 'There's a monster attacking Camelot!' When he asks what it is, make up the most ridiculous animal you can think of.

When he's watching Gwen in the courtyard, shout 'Get some!' out of the nearest window then walk away at a fast pace.

21, but when it's with Merlin.

When he walks past, shout 'Work it Girlfriend!'

If he gives you a stern look, add 'Oh, that pose is so fetch Arthur! Get Merlin to pose with you!'

When he refuses, comment loudly, preferably with Merlin and Gwen in earshot, 'You didn't seem to mind having Merlin close last night...' Tape Gwen's reaction.

Give Gwen a javelin. Leave her to it.

Get Merlin to give Arthur as many awkward situations as possible, including "Accidental" 'brush ups' and breathing down his neck.

When he shivers, comment to Gwen 'Looks like you've been replaced.' Watch Arthur try to pathetically defend himself.

Get Morgana to ask him about the 'Lingerie' she 'found' in his chambers. Snicker loudly when he can't answer.

Comment on the previous 'Where's your honour now?' Then run when he tries to chase you.

Tell him Morgana is pregnant. Watch him go up discreetly and ask her. Laugh when he is dejected.

Or better yet, bribe Morgana to play along. 'By the way, it's Uther's.' Watch Arthur's face. Take a picture. Post all over the internet.

'Uh-oh, someone has some daddy issues!' watch Arthur try to kill you.

Insult him by saying something about his mother.

Tell him blonde jokes.

Look at Arthur's stomach and ask 'When's it due?' Run very fast.

Tell him you're surprised he ended up okay when his mother was a corpse and his father was an idiot. Make sure you hire a helicopter to airlift you to the next hospital.

Say 'Just because some fan-girls think you look good topless, doesn't mean you should do it every other episode!'

Ask him if he likes to 'ride' or 'be ridden'. Gesture to Merlin and raise eyebrows suggestively.

When he splutters and tries to deny it, present a long list of the accounts where he has said something slashy to Merlin as proof.

Get Morgana to address him as 'Son' for the whole week.

41, but get Merlin to do it.

When Uther asks him why Morgana is calling him that, comment 'Well, she's going to be his new mummy after all!' then run quickly from the guards Uther's sent for you.

Ask Merlin/Morgana/Gwen with Arthur in earshot 'Doesn't that pout make you want to kiss him?'

While talking to him, throw a tantrum and yell 'But you said you loved Merlin!'. Make sure everyone is in earshot.

Ask him to wear a t-shirt saying 'My Father married a troll!'

Trick him into saying 'but I do love him so' in Merlin and Uther's presence.

Ask him to sing 'As long as he needs me'. Make sure Merlin is in earshot.

Ask him when he was younger, did he enjoy 'clashing swords' with other boys.

Get posters with 'Arthur is a pimp, Merlin, Gwen and Morgana are his bitches!' and post them around Camelot.


End file.
